Rocking the vote didn’t work, so let’s try this.

Well, after many long hours of minutes at the polls, the results of our Rock the Zen campaign are in. Let’s see what people had to say. Tune in soon when we Rock the Pussy, better known as Kitty Vertigo.

I would like to see Zen dance a drunken jig on the roof of his house. That would make me happy, because I like it when people other me dance drunken jigs. I get so lonely in winter. — Jennifer Sharidu, Alaska

I’d like for Zen to pierce his nipple. I think it’d make him a lot more bald. — Vivian Rath, Georgia

My rock the Zen vote is for Zen to get his kit off on national telly. That’d be positively buoyant! — Robert Bobby, Yorkshire

Zen should go back to college, I think. It’d make him less non-educated, and more likely to eat two doughnuts a day rather than his normal zero. — Tenrzr Xevfgbsre Ursare, Georgia (He’s an immigrant)

Wouldn’t it be neat if Zen greased himself up and fought some really big Moose in Madison Square Garden? He’d kick their ass and then be all, like, this place isn’t square at all! — Devon Issantashire, New York

I think Zen should kick the ass of whoever had this stupid idea. Why the hell should I care what some random guy does? Fine, I’ll vote drop his pants in public. — Some Guy, Jerkville

Maybe Zen should join a really bad pop band, and then they’d break up and be all angsty, and he’d have a drug habit, and I could steal his girlfriend when she leaves him because he’s on heroin and lost all his teeth and his penis. — Adam Taurus, Ohio

Zen should totally rock his elbows. Lick both those suckers. Take pictures! — Kenny Knapke, Pennsylvania

I think he should, like, totally buy a birthday cake, and then be all like, what the hell mate, whose birthday is it? And I’d be like, I don’t know, but I’m totally hanging out with ZenZagg. And he’d be like, yeah, you totally are. And it’d be totally rad and we’d eat tacos. — Ryan Fritoli, Nevada