You don’t want to know where Santa keeps his guests.

In the morning, as I was standing with the giant snowman looking out towards the island beyond, it became obvious to me that the snowman of whom the Great One spoke was quite insane, as he was clinging to the pole that ran through the center of the isle tenaciously between three burning stars.

“Do not be afraid!” The crazy blue snowman called out to us. “I have heard of your coming, and you must act quickly! The gods move swiftly of the morning, and opportunity does not wait for the slow and the stupid!”

“What must I do?” I said back.

“Come to the island, and latch your hook upon this arch of metal. Soon it will depart, and carry you to the other side of the world and beyond, for every day the things on this island depart and ascend up the waterfall. Make haste! There is no time! Keine Zeit!”

I told the giant snowman to hurl me across the waters below, and he obeyed without hesitation. The landing was rough, but I failed to notice. I followed the advice of the crazed creature up with the stars and grabbed on to the metal structure. I could feel the ground rumbling. Something was coming. I could feel it.

In an instant I was being shaken violently, thrown back and forth through the air. The speed of my movement was tremendous. I’d never experienced anything like this before, nor heard of such a thing happening.

The islands through which I had traveled for the past six days blurred past my eyes in seconds. Shifting its momentum as if the laws of physics didn’t apply to it in any way, the force took off in another direction just as quickly as it had the first, skirting around the edges of the islands and gliding over the ocean as if it had no depths. To my horror, I discovered I was slipping. My hook was bending; the speed and violence of my journey was close to ripping it right off of my body. As we flew past my home, my tree, and passed into the ocean just beyond, I could hold on no more and fell, screaming. I thought for sure that I was dead.

Instead of water, I felt something soft and warm gently break my fall. Looking up, I could see that I had landed upon the leg of a strange creature.

“Greetings, little ornament! I am Santa Claus! What are you doing, flying through the air like that?”

“I was attempting to reach the pinnacle of the waterfall, Santa. The snowmen of the far islands instructed me to ride the metal ring and it should take me there, but, alas, my grip was too weak!”

The fat man in the coat laughed. “Oh, that’s a new one on me, ornament! But those snowmen are always up to tricks. We have a few of their kind in this part of the world as well, although they claim to be far older than those that live elsewhere. Ho ho ho!”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s just the way I laugh,” Santa said. “At least, that’s the way I laugh when I think something’s stupid. But, come, we can talk about where you’re going on dry land. Hop in my belly, and you will be safe from the waters below! We’ll get you to the top of the waterfall yet! Ho ho ho!”