I'm A Druid!

That’s special.


Life as a druid is fun. Every day, I wake up, pick up my stick, and head out into the woods. Only, I live in a big tree, so everything is woods. It’s sort of weird that way.

Today, I did something special. I met an evil person! I was in the special druid place, which isn’t in my tree but somewhere else, and then I saw this big cow man. He was evil. But he was a druid too. And we were in the druid place, and a bunch of older people were looking at us all mean, so we couldn’t fight. So he waved at me, and I waved at him, and then we went and did druid things apart.*

Sometimes, I talk to my friend who lives across the world. He’s special. He dies a lot. I’d send him flowers, but flowers cost money, and so does sending stuff, and if I did that, I couldn’t buy a new stick. I like getting new sticks.

Soon, I’ll be a big man. I can already turn into a bear. I like being a bear. I can rip off the faces of cute deer and squirrels, and then skin them alive, and leave the corpses just laying around!** No one cares! It’s awesome!

Mom says I’m becoming twisted, but I think she’s lying. She’s just mad because she can’t make cool stuff out of the leather of the creatures she’s killed with her own, bare claws. Or stick.

Most of the time, I’m not a bear. Since I’m a druid, I can make nature very angry. After I make nature very angry, I tell nature to go pick on someone else, and she does. It hurts them. It’s fun! I can kill spiders and mean old nasty Furbolgs from far away, just by making nature all wrathful and stuff. You should try it. It’s almost as fun as being a bear and playing with their entrails!

I can’t wait till I’m a big man though. I want to meet my friend on the other place, and together, we’re going to go re-kill some undead. I’m going to turn into a bear, and chew on their severed legs. Oh boy!


* This actually happened
** So does this. How I can skin a deer as a bear, I don’t know.

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