Your Very Own!

Ice cream is a delicious delicacy, not unlike a cookie.

Suppose that the universe is infinite, and that there are an infinite number of universes containing an infinite number of possibilites and tax opportunities. Have you ever considred what this would mean? Have you ever paused to consider what, say, the Jux Entente would be in an alternate universe? Alternate Juxalities, waiting for your viewing pleasure. Luckily, I can see through the thin parts of the world, and tell you waht one of these alternate Juxes looks like.

The Juxrus Coalition

55,000 universes from this one (traveling North), there exists a reality where the dominate species on earth is a sentient Walrus. As a website, Jux still exists, and is still written by Graeme (under the name Hobbling Hibiscus), although being a walrus, he mostly just slams his face into the keyboard repeatedly. Much like how Ann Coulter writes, actually. Bizarrely enough, Kenny and Travis are more or less the same, although Travis’ fiance is a wee bit bigger in walrus form.

In the world that the walrus built, people don’t hang out and play videogames on Friday night. Rather, they sit around, eat ice cream, and stare blankly into space. Talking is no fun with a mouth full of tusk, and oral sex is even worse, so in this way the walrus reality is something of a horror show filled with fat, polite people. It’s an eternal 1950’s without racism; everyone being equally ugly fixed that problem right up!

(This feature was created in what’s left of Sri Lanka)

(In this reality, Sri Lanka is called Stillfo’mo’sa’foo’)

Tickets to Walrusitania are $5.95. Bring your pies, and get a Euro off on your way to the head. Bonk!

Graeme Hefner suffered a massive stroke while writing this article. All rights reserved. -Ed

Crossed Reality

Waaaaaaaait! I have something else!

Light is a particle.

Lord Zhakrin


No, you’re a ditz. I; I am wave-boy , and light obeys me !

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