Juxtapositions: Education Majors

And how I hate them.

I hate education majors.

Rather, I hate one very specific type of education major, and I have hated them for all of my live-long years in college. I can spot them a mile away. They are universally women, and universally obese. They enter a class, huffing and puffing from climbing that huge flight of stairs and walking across campus, despite their annoying suitcase of a book bag they need for their one class today. They are idiots, and I want them to die.

Where to begin the discussion of what drives me crazy? How about the fact that they’re stupid? I don’t know at what point they decided that having thirty children and eating half of them in the mix with your marshmallow tea makes them qualified to teach, because it sure as hell isn’t their knowledge of anything. No matter what the class is, they bitch about it, and how hard is. Dear god, I have to study sooo hard. Dear god, that last test was sooooo hard. This wouldn’t bother me if the class actually was hard, or if they bitched about stuff that matters. But no, they bitch about basic math. They bitch about classes I surf Ars during, wishing it wasn’t required. Everything is so very difficult for them.

These people hold up every class. I can’t imagine how much more could get done in a given class period if they weren’t asking questions every five seconds. Asking questions is fine; asking the same question five times because you’re a fucking ditz is not. Why are you taking an advanced astronomy class if you can’t figure out basis Algebra? Here’s a hint: if x + y = x + z, THEN Y = Z#$@

Believe it or not, this is not what bothers me the most about these people. It’s when they bring their children. And they do. And they bitch about the fact that people smoke on campus, and that people are so rude on campus and use profanity around their children.

Hello, welcome to the fact that you’re in college. Just because you’re a non-traditional student does not give you magic powers. If you’re going to be rude enough to bring your little brat to campus, don’t bitch about campus atmosphere. If you aren’t ready to expose that kid to everything they can see on late night Cinemax, you are not ready to cheap out on a babysitter and bring them to school, where they can annoy the rest of us just because the professor is too nice to tell you to shove the kid up your ass and leave. Exceptions for children on campus are only made for those cute as hell field trips from the local elementary school. They’re nice, they’re planned, and they only happen once.

I’m so glad I got away from you people when I finished my General Education courses. I’m so angry that I have to deal with you bitches again now that I have to take an elective. You give the nice, qualified people who want to be teachers a bad name with everyone in my department (real history majors and professors dread social science education people in classes…). Would you like to become a decent human being? Please do the following:

1) Drop out of college. I don’t want you teaching my children, or anyone else’s children. The only bright side is that, given your physical stature, you won’t be called “Coach.”

No good? Try this then:

1b) Shut up.
2) Don’t understand? Read the book.
2b) You can’t read? See the original 1.
3) Leave the kids at home.

Thank you.

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