To go with the myspace rant I posted minutes ago below: I called a “How’s My Driving?” number for the first time today.
So I’m driving down I-575 here in Georgia to Woodstock, when this dumbass dude in a beat up old Maxima starts tailgating me while swerving back and forth talking on his cellphone. I mean, he’s right on my fucking bumper, and he’s obviously not paying too much attention to which direction his car is going in. I finally manage to get into the left hand lane away from this idiot and get up to speed. He follows me, and sticks right on my ass.
Right around this time the highway opens into three lanes for about a quarter mile with a truck lane to the right. Suddenly I see out of the corner of my eye a piece of shit old white Ranger flying up this lane, obviously hauling ass for all his four-banger is worth to gain those three car lengths. The lane ends and the Ranger gets back into what is now the right hand lane.
Only, this isn’t good enough for him. He immediately swings into my lane. This is a problem because my car was currently phsyically occupying the space his truck seemed to desire. I swerve over to the side a bit and start to slam on my brakes, but wait! There’s moron boy on the cellphone behind me! I pray he’s paying attention and brake anyway to avoid flying out into the grass, and the truck barely squeaks by. Moron boy behind me drops his cell phone in shock and awe and managed to avoid adding to his collection of dents.
But wait, what’s this! Lo, Ranger Fucker has a huge bumper sticker! My word, could someone be so stupid as to try to run someone off the road while having a “how’s my driving?” stick plastered on their ass?
Yes, yes they could. So sweet was the justice I could taste that I whipped out my own cell phone, breaking my own rule about not using it while driving, and called the fucker in.
You would think my problems would be over at that point, but you’d be wrong. I nearly got rear-ended AGAIN not five minutes later on a 25 mile per hour road when the Econoline business truck behind me apparently ignored the turn signal flashing on my car’s ass, as well as the one on the car in front of me. How do you nearly skid into another car on a 25 mile per hour road? Gah!
Unfortunately I made my turn in such a haste I didn’t get the phone number off of that truck.
And now, to satisfy the crowd that calls for profanity in rants: fuck shit piss jesus hate mother dog hell yuppie cunt magnet.