Christmas is my favorite time of year. Which is why I’m sad (by which I mean angry, since that’s usually how I express sadness).

For the first time in 24 years (actually, longer, but I’ve been present 23 times so I can only personally verify that many) my extended family’s Christmas Eve celebration has been cancelled. The reasons aren’t that important since they’re beyond anyone’s control, but that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.

Some of the best times of my life have been at my Aunt Sandra’s house on Christmas Eve. It always reminds me of the ending of It’s A Wonderful Life…I really feel like I belong and am loved by a large number of people. I certainly love them. A few years ago it stopped being as good as it once was because my father, who’s usually a good man but pulls some stupid bullshit like this now and again, stopped going. It wasn’t quite the same after that, but still good.

I’m going to miss my Aunt Sandra, Steven, Jeff, and the lot this year. I really don’t know what else to say. I was really looking forward to it this year because it’s the first year that I purchased all the gifts for my extended family on my own. But now I won’t get a chance to give them to them in the proper setting.

I can remember playing the X-men board game waiting to open presents with Jeff and Steven. This year…I don’t know what we’re going to do. Make a turkey up in Jasper and try to salvage something, I’m sure. I’m trying to think of something we can all do as a family that will make it feel “right” even without all the people there. Maybe I’ll bring the Wii. Whatever it is, we have to do it together, otherwise it’s just not the same.

I just wish I knew what that thing was, and I wish I could stop feeling like 2005 was the last time we’d ever have a Christmas Eve.