Jux Baseball: The Second Game

The story of how Team Jux fought back against impossible odds and achieved victory for a second time.

The morning of March 3, 2007 dawned bright and ominous for the brave athletes of Team Jux. Their victory at the first Jux baseball game the month before had been pre-ordained; on this day, however, they faced impossible odds.

The combination of Graeme Hefner, Travis Rosenbaum, Peter Rosconi, Brett Manous and Vivian Rath was undoubtably more skilled in working together as a team than their opponents, Team Biscuit. Due to a last minute cancellation Biscuit lost their numbers advantage, deeping the hole that Team Jux would have to climb out of. The level of skill and training was so mismatched in Jux’s favor that victory was unthinkable. It was with heavy heads and heavy hearts that the valiant players entered the field, prepared to face their evisceration by the massively underpowered, and thus unstoppable, Team Biscuit.

Team Jux had played the first game from the opposite side. In February Biscuit had contained noticeably more talented players with fewer injuries than those fielded by Jux. Thanks to the Sports Movie Reality Corollary, it was thus impossible for Jux to lose the first game; they were the underdogs, it was their job to triumph against adversity. Their duty. Their god-given right. And lo, they were victorious.

But how could they possibly overcome the now heavily-favored Team Biscuit a second time? How could they possibly bypass everything that they were taught about teams as good as they were? There was no way a team as skilled as Jux could possibly defeat a goofy collection of loveable characters such as those fielded by Biscuit. There was Duffy, the man who could not hit or catch but could fail to do both with such gusto that he occassionally was found in deep right field despite playing second base. What about Hannah, the first basemen who was physically incapable of stopping a ground ball? Ethan Manous, the left-handed pitcher with no glove? Travis II, the larger Travis who injured himself slugging at the ball? Sarah Rosenbaum, cursed by the Gods as a small child to only hit balls to the pitcher or the first baseman? How could a team so obviously lopsided, a team so fated to win, possibly be defeated? It is unthinkable.

And yet, it was so. With a final score of eighteen to nine, against all odds, against all reality, against all probability, Team Jux emerged as the winners again. Jux won despite each person only making a single error. Their first baseman’s only missed catch nearly got him in the groin, and yet he still stopped the ball; why? Why would someone do this when it’s clear that the only way anyone could even begin to contemplate defeating Team Biscuit would be to out-underdog them?

There are no conclusions. The answer to this question is outside the scope of standard reality; so far is it removed from all logical thought processes that it cannot even be described in human language. All we know is that Team Jux won. It is impossible to say how. Perhaps they are not human, but rather beings of compressed awesome.

And yet, as the third game in the series approaches, what lessons can we learn from this collapse of accepted dimensional norms? Can Team Jux keep winning? Can Team Biscuit continue to throw away victory in light of their obvious advantages?

We shall see.

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