GRAEME SMASH

Here’s a long story real fucking short.

So this morning I take in my car for it’s 60,000 mile service and a few repairs. “No problem,” I think. “I have a 100,000 mile bumper to bumper extended warranty.” I get to the dealer at 9:30. By 11:30 they’re doing doing the service items and bring out a list of what all needs to be repaired and the prices for it.

“But, we don’t take third-party extended warranties here,” they say. I bought this car from this dealership back in 2003. It’s the only place it’s ever been for service. I like them. I trust them. I ask them why.

“They always try to dick us around on pricing,” they say.

Time compression occurs as I shorten this story for your pleasure. I convinced them to take the warranty, but the warranty people only want to pay an amount that comes to $250 less than what the dealer has to charge for the work. The service guy even shows me the Chilton manual he’s pulling the time to repair from. Plus, I have common sense. The dealer says it will take 2 hours to pull apart the dash…for some reason the warranty provider is convinced they can do it in .8.

So now I’m fuming at my credit union for selling me this piece of shit warranty, but I still have to get my car fixed, so I authorize them to begin repairs. Then I call the warrant place back to make sure that my “$30/day” rental coverage doesn’t actually mean something else, but Enterprise comes to the conclusion that yes, they can give me a car for $30/day.

That “car” is a 2006, gigantic, piece of shit, floaty, completely stripper model, cunt-sucking boat of a Ford F-150. I’m lucky, they say…these normally go for much more per day. Lucky my fucking ass, I’d rather be driving a Chevy Aveo.

They ask if I want the optional insurance. $33 out of my pocket for the two days I have the car. Shit yeah, I think. At this point, knowing I’m getting a piece of shit beyond normal rental standards to drive for the next few days, I want the optional insurance just incase all the wheels fall off or it “floats” its way into a ditch on GA 400. I plan to toss the keys in it and leave it on the side of the road dead if anything happens to it.

I finally got to work at 3:00. I’m going to be here until 8:00 tonight making up for this shit. I’ve done too much bitching today on too many phones already; tomorrow, I’m calling the warranty company and the credit union that sold it to me (that has never done any wrong before) and begin this process anew. All my documentation says “you pay only your deductible!” which means shit if they expect to pay almost nothing to repair shops.

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