I’m not pretending to be Dr. Hobart Nesay this time.

With excitement for the upcoming EPIX reaching a fever pitch (among its participants) and the event itself only just over a week away, I felt it was high time for some expert analysis on my part so that those following along on the big day know some of what to expect, team by team.

Thanatological Thagomizers
Known Equipment: Champion Starfire, DX Wolf, DX Aviar (2x), Champion TeeBird, DX Archangel, DX Stingray.

Pros: The best consistently good player in the form of Kenny Knapke for both overall performance and max distance. Kelley Sosebee is probably the most skilled of the female players as well.

Cons: Both players frequently have near misses of close putts.

Analysis: Due to the high skill level of both players, this team is the odds-on favorite to win the EPIX. The road to victory for the other teams lies in pushing their own strengths, not exploiting any particular weakness of the Thagomizers.

Strategic Arrogant Superiority
Known Equipment: XS Elite Z, DX Cheetah, DX Goblin, S Wizard, DX Stingray, DX Shark.

Pros: Completely unknown quantity in the form of Laura Doll makes it impossible for the other teams to properly plan to counter the possible strengths of this team. Among known players, Graeme Hefner is in by far the best cardiovascular shape of the participants, which could greatly benefit the later rounds. Excellent putting performance. Warms up well.

Cons: Bad to horrible distance off the line. DX Cheetah. The completely unknown quantity could just as easily work against them.

Analysis: Success for this team depends mostly on its ability to play consistently for 72 holes of disc golf. As the fortunes of others wax or wane based on fatigue SAS should put in a consistent performance, for better or worse.

Ninja Sifters
Known Equipment: Flick Elite Z, Champion Beast, DX Shark.

Pros: Travis Rosenbaum’s performance level is entirely random and varies from hole to hole. This means occasionally he is fucking excellent. Sarah Rosenbaum can make reasonably consistent long, slow, but straight glide shots using the Shark.

Cons: Worst putting performance of the three teams. Overall the least experienced of the three teams. Over reliance upon single discs.

Analysis: Flip a coin, boys.