As a prefix, I should say I spend most of my time pretty damn happy. The following rant applies to about 2% of my time, usually late at night on random weekdays.
Lately, however, I’ve felt my life sort of listless. The major cause of it is most likely a certain type loneliness, for sure, but there are other reasons that I’ve already rehashed endlessly with some of my friends. Namely, that my entire life is in a place now that would have been incomprehensible six months ago. Nearly everything I planned for or thought would happen, did not. Opportunities disintegrated, people left, and general badness fell from the skies and bubbled up from the ground.
Of course, new stuff immediately replaced (almost) all of it. My life is actually in a really good place now. My job is fun, is hopefully about to pay well, and gives me a good bit of freedom. As I walked into the office for the apartment complex of my nice, large, quiet apartment today I realized something as well.
My dad has always bitched about being ‘poor’ and what my family can’t afford despite the fact that we are…well, we’re most decidedly not poor. Sure, we don’t have a vacation home and he doesn’t drive a Porsche, but we own three houses and at one point had almost two cars per person in the household.
But for the past year or so I’d been feeling like I was ‘poor’ and often making jokes about it myself. Coupled with the rest of life’s problems lately it was starting to bug me more and more as well. So today, as I got out of my nice car, checked my nice watch, walked around puddles so as to not get water into the leather bottoms of my expensive sandals, walked into the office of my upscale suburban apartment complex and sat on a couch in their lounge and checked the Ars Technica forums on my BlackBerry, I realized two things:
1a) I am a complete fucking sell out. Holy shit.
1b) I don’t care.
2) I should shut the hell up.
Seriously. My big money problems are being upset that I can’t afford as many videogames to play on my 360 or my Wii as Kenny and not being able to strap an HDTV to my damn TiVo.
So, yes, for the first time in my entire life, I briefly became my father. Shoot me.