I simply could not think of another title that wasn’t too long.

What goes through your mind when someone buys 399 old National Geographics from your place of business? This actually happened to me Sunday. I’m not going to post my actual thoughts, because those are quite boring, but here’s some funny stuff that I’ll pretend were my thoughts!

“What’s he going to do with them? Maybe he’s a collector. But I told him there were duplicates. And some of these are in bad shape. Would a collector buy duplicates and ones in bad shape? Why is he buying these in the middle of a raging thunderstorm anyway? Oh yeah, he’s going to pay us now and come back later for them…but that’s because he doesn’t want his wife to know. I suppose it works though. I hope he’s a collector. I’d hate to think he wanted to use them as cheap Christmas gifts. Or to shore up his house’s foundation. Of course, that might work. I’ve seen houses made entirely out of old news papers, and there was that one made of bottles. Still, can old magazines fix the foundation of a normal house? Perhaps if they were turned into some sort of paste…but then again, wouldn’t he have bought all of our cheaper magazines for that? These are $.25 each, those are $.10 each. Those would make better foundation repair items. Dear lord, what if he’s getting them for the topless island women. I suppose this would be really cheap porn if your 60 and desperate. His wife would never figure it out. Who suspects National Geographic? But, those women don’t exactly make good porn…still, I suppose he could have some weird sort of fetish. Maybe he just wants them to decorate some sort of study. National Geographics from the 1940’s are very posh with your old dusty books you’ve never read and cheap brandy. Would a mouse really clean your entire house after eating his cookie? I don’t think so. Man, these magazines are heavy. These carts weigh almost 200 pounds each now. If I wasn’t so nice, I would make him push them. At least we’re getting a lot of money. Whoah, he’s buying that old projector too? Incredible. But now I have to wheel these heavy fucking magazines to the back. He sure as hell better be a collector.”

My actual thoughts were something along the lines of: “Damn, this has got to be our biggest single sale ever. And we’re finally going to have empty shelf space in the back! I wonder if we have enough free carts for this, though?”

Still, it’s really fucking weird for someone to buy almost 400 magazines at once.
And those carts were heavy.