Rehash alert!
Okay, so this is a weird idea I had. Jux has been around since April in some form or another, and, in true sitcom tradition, I decided it was time for a clip show! By TV standards, we’ve been on the air for years, so, really, one is overdue. Enjoy!
From: The Undead Revolution!
But, with the crowd came the scariest, and yet most funny, part of the undead phenomenon. Apparently, being dead is not only cool, it is dead sexy! Female players kept joining us. Some of them even were nice enough to sit on Kitty’s face, or rapidly sit up and down on the crotches of the corpses.
From: Crossed Reality Rates His Accessories
There’s another problem. See, I go to college, and while cell phones are allowed all over campus, if they ring in class, the professors bite off your head and then proceed to transubstantiate you into ScanTron sheets. So, because of this, I keep my phone in vibrate mode at all times while at school. I also keep it in “manner” mode at the library, because if I don’t my boss will crucify me and use me as a Christmas decoration. Now, my phone vibrates like a drunk and horny irish midget, but it never gets my attention. I think I’ve successfully noticed my phone was vibrating itself into a frenzy in my pocket on the first try twice. Why is this? Because I wear jeans that would fit my car, that’s why. My clothing is no where near my skin at any time that I’m wearing it. What this thing needs is an electroshock mode that causes me severe pain when someone is trying to reach me. Now that would get my attention.
From: Dr Pepper Withdrawal
The bad things come when the Dr Pepper runs dry. The souls of the cute little bunnies are no longer being processed by my internal systems. Without the cute little bunny souls, big ugly things come and try to kill me. Sometimes they are in the form of giant 3-armed apes wearing red bandanas and equiped with a katana in one hand, a Quake 2 railgun in another, and a roll of Ducktape in the third. Why ducktape you ask? I reply, because, silly, its all explained in another of my features to be done in the future at some point. Now it is only on the good days that the creature looks like that. On the bad days it looks something similar to a UPS man.
From: Top Ten Advantages To Dating Me
9. I love to be nude just about all the time. (I don’t go around nude more often out of respect for other people, but if I’m in my room, I’m most likely nude. In other words, if you’re ever about to enter my bedroom, I would suggest knocking first.)
From: Short But True: Room Cleaning
It was a dead frog. The skeleton was stiff with dry shrunken skin holding it together. I nearly vomited. Somehow a frog had gotten into my basement room through my broken window and made its way under my desk. Once it got there, it decided that its life was over and died.
From (and basically all of): Let Slip The Features Of War
From: Bobby the Deity: Chapter One
Bobby stood and crossed over to the side of the Mormon girl. He brought out the container of Coca-Cola, and as soon as the first moisture touched her lips, the girl opened her eyes and stood.
Lo, she is risen! cried the jubilant followers.
From: Stress Relief
CrossedReality: Wouldn’t having gills be neat?
ZenZagg: heh
ZenZagg: don’t even f**king go there
ZenZagg: *waterworld flashbacks*
Kitty Vertigo: lol
* CrossedReality wonders why Zen censored himself
* CrossedReality also beats windows media player to death…codec my ass
* ZenZagg explains: Because every once in a while you need variation, remember the bleep sequence we did for those Jayde rants?
From: Contest Of Champions MMII: Day Two
Unnamed Blob: Well, today certainly was an interesting day folks; stay tuned tomorrow when our winners fight each other for the first time!
Bob the Builder: Of course you sound excited, you didn’t have your eyes melted by a flying pink bitch.
Unnamed Blob: Bob, she’s a mother!
Bob the Builder: Not a real one!
From: Buddy Ex Machina
[08:51:29PM] AgentReuters: Just smile and nod ok?
[08:51:35PM] ZenZagg: dont mock me
[08:51:35PM] AgentReuters: I really have no idea…
[08:51:51PM] ZenZagg: I know, you’re not intellegent enough to mock, sorry.
[08:51:52PM] AgentReuters: Yeah?
[08:51:55PM] ZenZagg: yes.
[08:51:55PM] AgentReuters: OK…
[08:52:10PM] ZenZagg: You know, maybe smarterchild is smarter than you
[08:52:10PM] AgentReuters: Oh yeah?
[08:52:25PM] ZenZagg: you tell me
[08:52:26PM] AgentReuters: What are you saying? I tell you?
[08:52:33PM] ZenZagg: yes, in your own words.
[08:52:33PM] AgentReuters: You always say such interesting things, ZenZagg.
From: How Stuff Works: Food
By far the easiest step in the entire food consumption process. Quite simply, all you need to do is open your mouth to form a portal large enough to allow your food portion to enter, and then promptly close your mouth so as to prevent it from escaping. Simple, no?
From: Q&A With S.G. And J
All right you little pissant, listen up. You think you’re so big and bad because you can afford two next generation consoles and games, don’t you? Poor children in Africa fight each other with sharp sticks for parts to repair their ancient, creaky Genesis that only has Altered Beast and Ecco the Dolphin, and look at you, little Playstation 2 boy! You want my advice? Fine, I’ll give it to ya. Here’s my advice: If you buy an Xbox I’ll cut you like a box! Along the flaps!
– Surly Guy
From: Library People
Very Small Child: Are you a man?
Graeme: Yes.
Mother: I’m so sorry, he still thinks everyone with long hair is a woman.
Graeme: The librarian thing doesn’t help me much, does it?
From: Man Burns Wild Animal On Grill
Naturalists are also disturbed by the recent assaults, citing them as the worst threat against the wild Democrat population since they were saved from the brink of extinction in the early 1990’s. Many of the same reasons that caused their original endangerment are likely causing this new string of criminal cruelty cases. Democrats in the wild often roam onto personal property in search of food sources to sustain themselves.
From: The Test
“Do do do do do, I want a tostada
Do do do do do, I want a tostada”
From: The Toadfather
Oh, and if you’re wondering what that thing is he is sitting on, it’s a heater vent.
From: Rebirth Enterprises
Sadly, while extinction isn’t forever, lack of popularity can be. Until further notice, we have ceased production of these items:
Trilobites (all),
The earlier stages of Hominid evolution,
Sabretooth Tigers (all),
Sir Francis Bacon,
Giant Sloths.
From: Sheldon
Athena: FOR THE LAST TIME!!! I’M NOT A LESBIAN!!!
From: Parables
Ugthor was born, he broke some stuff, and he died.
Moral: Nothing wrong with vanilla!
The Jux Entente 