Recently I’ve been asking myself a question a lot. Not one I’m used to posing to myself: What am I?

I’ve always strived to be the best person I could be. This sounds like bullshit, but it’s really true. The first major change of this little personal revolution came way back in middle school, when I decided to prove to myself and the world that you could be a fun person without being morally corrupted. From this point on, the emotional world had much more importance to me than the physical world. The major fuel of this decision would become my main problem in years to come. I was born having everything I could ever want. Except someone to share it all with. I became obsessed with love, with relationships, with emotions…and to me, the physical seemed to get in the way of that. You can’t completely exclude the physical side of relationships, but the emotional should always come first. As I grew into this system over the years, my sex drive essentially died. All part of the process of self evolution.

But am I still advancing? Or have I become stagnant? I can prove that I have evolved my position in life and general knowledge over recent time periods, but I think there’s a specific event in time when I stopped becoming a better person. Someone who has a writing credit for this website, but isn’t on the Members page, made me realize this. Accidentally. But forcing me to think about something I had hidden from myself…because of pain. I’m trying to move myself forward in evolution again, and to do that, it looks as if I might have to move backwards in time.

Just random thoughts from the late night warrior.

I don’t think I’ll ever be the knight in shining armor I want to be. But I have changed my thoughts recently. Instead of thinking have to save someone…maybe it’s me that has to be saved. Maybe I’m the one that became lost.

Maybe I’m rambling to people who don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about again.