Sequel!

Way, way, way, way, way, WAY back when this site was birthed, the very thirdest feature we did was me rating my accessories. Well, since it’s been so long, I felt the need to do it again! Since this is mostly an update, it won’t be quite as long, I don’t think, as the original, which can be found here . But, you know, who cares? On with the writing!

The SODWIC
Yeah, so this has lost all the new-ness it had when I last wrote about it. I don’t even use it for a weapon here on the site anymore. But I do wear it even more often than I did then. I usually don’t take it off for anything but sleep, and even that’s only if I actually to remember. I have worn it straight for several days. It spends most of its time under my shirt now instead of on top of it, mostly because I got sick of people going “OMG ARE YOU MESSIANIC? LIKE, LOL! I’VE LEARNED TO SPEAK IN NETSPEAK! ROFL!” Because of this it pokes me now. Its clasp also gets caught in my long tangly hair sometimes. Despite this, it keeps the same rank, because I still love the thing, and I don’t feel quite right without it.
Graeme’s Verdict: A

The Cell Phone
I’ve had my new cell phone, a Motorola T720, for less than a week. It kicks my old cell phone’s ass. It has a colour screen, a PIM, ring tones that sound like 16-bit videogame music, it’s BREW enabled, it’s a 115 kbps external modem…hell, I think it can make french fries! The number of benefits to this phone are amazing. Like, I can do that voice calling thing from those irritating commercials if I want. Do I really want to talk to my phone and hope it calls the right person? Well, no, but wouldn’t it be neat? Yeah. Nifty. It’ll record voice notes as well, but I also don’t spend much of my time babbling into devices to remember things. The thing has screensavers . It can have an MP3 player and FM radio! The only thing it doesn’t have is a vibrate button, which my old phone did, so I actually have to go to a menu (which I have as a shortcut…yes, my phone has a desktop.) to turn it to vibrate. As I mentioned the last time, the vibrate function is extremely necessary. College professors control the weather and grading scales you see, so if my phone starts playing “Walkin` Around” during lecture, they’ll hurl me outside of their class, drop my grade to a F, and make it snow. Hard. In June. And since the only time people stop calling me is when I actually want them to call me, my phone spends a lot of time on vibrate! Strangely enough, despite the fact that this phone is smaller than my old one by a great degree, I can actually feel this one vibrate. At least, I have so far. An electroshock mode would still be greatly appreciated. Oh, and I upgraded by calling plan with this phone, so I can now call from anywhere in the US to anywhere the US essentially as much as I want to. Anyone live in Alaska and want to chat? I’m bored.
Really, really bored.
Bah, fuck you. I still have the bestest cell phone among the Juxly crew!
Graeme’s Verdict: A+

The Keys
These haven’t changed much. They still beat the shit out of anything anywhere near them, which is why the little flashlight I had on them the last time I wrote one of these articles is now weeping in pain in a jacket pocket somewhere. Poor thing. The old man keychain is slowly looking less and less like a wizard and more like the date rapist hidden beneath. I can almost see his little wooden mouth moving and saying “Hey baby, drink this, but don’t use one of the special coasters…” The KSU keychain survives, as does my brand new keychain library card (which I never use, since I work at the library, and have access to their computer system whenever I need it.) There are seven keys on the thing: five to cars, two to doors. It’s actually quite bulky (although not excessive like my mom’s or sister’s…or Travis’s, for that matter), and it can no longer light the darkness, so I’m afraid the rating must be dropped from when it was last reviewed.
Graeme’s Verdict: C+

The Wallet
The wallet is going be to be rated the same way it was last time, as the sum of its parts. So, without further ado:

• Damnit, the real leather still feels vaguely fake!: B+
• Cash. I always carry cash. Plenty of it.: A+
• ‘The Great One’ remains, still promising me plenty of money…and I’ll be damned, it was right!: A+
• My driver’s license, which still has the same picture, only now it looks better to me, because I look so German in the picture now it’s scary. Viva la Graeme hair! Not only that, but it does not have any points on it, despite an attempt by the GA state patrol. Hah!: A-
• My KSU id, which I haven’t bothered to get a renewal sticker put on in two semesters…not to mention the picture on it looks even worse now, since it’s from that period from when my hair was not long, but not short: F
• BlueCross/BlueShield of Georgia card, which, while it is capable of being used in exchange for cheaper health care, I have yet to need to do so: B
• Visa CheckCard which still accesses my hordes of money, only that horde is much bigger now: A
• The magical platinum MasterCard, which lets me say “You know, I don’t think I want to pay for this until next month…and I still won’t be charged interest!”: A+
• 29 movie ticket stubs. But they take up less space than the 25 from before. Weird. Wild. Some are from 2001…scary.: C
• A business card that reminds me of just what the hell my father actually does: B
• Library card. Just as useless as the one on my keychain, and the one I used to have, but we have a new prettier design now, so: B
• 2002 White Water season pass that looks like I could have drawn the picture by hand: C
• Media Play gift card. DAMNIT PEOPLE, THESE ARE NOT MONEY!: C-
• Blockbuster card I never, ever use, for some reason. But I can , and that’s important: B-
• 99x freeloader card. Since my trip to San Francisco, I like this radio station much, much more (seeing how the other coast lives can scare you back into loving Atlanta radio). I’ve still only used it once, but I almost used it again, so: C
• Selective service card that shows I registered on September 11, 2001: A
• Two tickets to a homecoming I never went to, but keep around, for some reason: Q-Z^2
• Thespian society card, for troupe 4224, that makes me miss working in theatre: A-
• Pointless business cards: D
• Social Security card: A
• ADAP card…why the fuck do I bother?: D
• $2 bill from deceased grandmother: A+
• Receipt for $43.75 from the city of canton which cancelled the warrant they had out for my arrest (all a big mistake, I assure you): A++
• An ancient sheet of notebook paper containing phone numbers I’ve had memorized for five years, that are no longer in service, or both: C
• Sheet of paper with emergency numbers that are programmed into my phone anyway: D
• 710 points at Fannie Farkle’s: B

Wallet’s GPA: 2.73
Graeme’s Verdict: C+, a definate improvement over last year’s performance.

The Zippo
Nothing new to say about this. Read the old description, if you want. It’s hard to believe that I’ve now carried this with me every day for almost three years. When I think of the first day I carried it, that makes me sad, because I don’t want that day to be that old. Nothing to do about it though, I guess. So I ask again, how many of you have good luck charms that create eternal flame? Yeah? Thought so. Wimps.
Graeme’
s Verdict: A+

The Watch
Same watch…except….*sniffle*
The band died. Right before Christmas. It had had the same band since it was birthed 20 years ago, but it finally bit the dust. All was not lost though. The new band is shining and, generally, more attractive than the old, and it also fits my wrist better. The other was either slightly too loose or slightly too tight. This one fits just right , which means no more watch sliding. I miss the old band, though *sigh*.
Graeme’s Verdict: A- , yay for better band, sadness for memory of old, score equalized.