Not what you think!

In continuing to bring you the best, most current coverage of all events in the world possible, The Jux Entente has decided to put together this back to school guide. However, since it’s been roughly forever since any member of Jux was in elementary school, we enlisted the help of one Victor Emmanuel Smith, age 10, to help us out. He goes by “Sliced Bread” on campus, and here’s what he suggested you make sure you bring back to school.

Pencil Box
Man, you be needing a good pencil box to deal your shit from, man. Teachers, they behind the times right? So they don’t know that kids don’t carry pencil boxes anymore, ya see? So you can be dealin’ your shit out of here all the time and all nice like and they’ll just think you being a nice guy and handing out pencils to all your bros who don’t have one. But, those pencils, they be mechanical, dig? And they be stuffed with ice . You ain’t never gonna get caught if you got a good box. Mine’s got Bob the Builder on it.

Cheap Mechanical Pencils
These ain’t just for writin’, and they ain’t just for giving out your shit neither. These be weapons. It’s hard for a punk to be trying to start something when he got a Clickster stickin’ three inches in his neck, bro. It ain’t pretty. They won’t be fucking with you or your posse no more, though, and that’s what matters.

Flashlight
Man, you be a hero and shit when the power goes out and you stuck in the bathroom, where any good child spends most of his time, and you got the flashlight in your backpack. Yous the only one going to get out of that place in time, because you know what lurks in the dark, right bro? Also, if you’ve ever seen that Brady Bunch show, you can totally store beans in a empty flashlight. Sometimes, you just can’t eat that shitty lunchroom food when it served. You gotsta wait until you starving .

Notebook Paper
Ain’t no other way to pass notes to your ladies. You needin’ blue -lined paper, too. Purple makes you look like you a fairy, and grey makes you a goth sissy or some shit. That ain’t cool yet, bro. Keep with the blue. Green’s alright too, but make it seem like you poor, and you HAD to get the cheap shit, just for her to have anything at all, you see?

Condoms
Ain’t never too early, my man.

Band-Aids
If you gonna be showing off the playground, like you should be, you bound to get hurt. Don’t cry or none of that stupid shit, no, you suck it up like a man, walk to your book bag, and put one of these motherfuckas on. Make sure it got something cool on it, too. Mine match my pencil box. They also good for covering up the tracks, man.