Someone stole our source code :`(

Chapter 4: Weapons

In many ways, the most important tools you have in helping Picasso escape the Hell Kitchen of Dr. Mereisto are the weapons you can find in may of its cupboards and refrigerators. Some of them are left behind by the denizens that attack you, but most you must discover on your own. Here’s a rundown on the various weaponry, and what it can be used for.

Remember, although very few of the weapons in the game use ammunition per se, they can ALL break with too much use. Picasso can use his magic to repair them, but only when you find special Pop-Tart Sandwiches, which allow him to use this ability. Be careful in what you use and when.

Shazam Attacks
Picasso starts with these, and you have an unlimited supply. Due to Dr. Mereisto coating the walls of his lair with anti-magic bacon, Picasso’s innate abilities are much less powerful here than they would be in the real world. You should mostly rely on this as a backup weapon, although you can use it to spap the devious Pig-Rats in the early levels to an instant grave, and save your better weapons the bigger creatures that come later.

Cattleman’s Barbecue Sauce
This is a 4lb bottle of BBQ sauce, and it backs a whollop. Complete with easy-grip handle on the side, Picasso can swing this thing with amazing malice. And since it’s made of soft plastic, it doesn’t break as easy as you might think. When equipped, Picasso does a two-move combo when you press the A button. The first press causes him to swing the BBQ sauce outward, in a medium-powerful hit with short range. It’s the return backhand swipe that can cause real damage, since it has greater range, more momentum, and a wicked hook to the bottle. There are several bottles of Cattleman’s to be found, but despite this and its durability, you should save this weapon as much as possible. When I play through the game, I try not to use it except against the Rabid-Vet-Doctor-Steves in the 1950’s level, and the Vegan Allosaurs in the Plant Kingdom Kitchen level. Both of those are big bastards that are relatively slow, and thus perfect for this weapon. You can also use it again Mereisto himself, if you have any left by then.

Long Wooden Spoon
This is your weapon of choice against small, quick things like the Ninja Potatoes. It doesn’t deal much damage, but you can swing it in eight directions and its lightning fast. Not only that, but it knocks anything you hit with it back a step, giving you time to aim another blow. If you’re quick enough, this can be used against medium sized creatures, but only as a last resort. Whatever you do, don’t swing your spoon at an Allosaurus; one hit to its tough hide, and your spoon with snap in half.

Kitchen Knives
They’re everywhere, but they break all the time. And Picasso is terrified of them. Use them only against weak creatures, and the quicker, less armored medium ones; expect these cheap things to break.

The Meat Cleaver
Not quite as powerful as the BBQ sauce, this thing has one distinct advantage: it’s much, much quicker. Most of the larger enemies in the game are quite slow, and thus a better target for the Cattleman’s, but the medium foes and Mereisto are usually too quick to get in a double hit with the sauce. That’s when you need this baby. It hardly ever breaks, but if it does, you’re screwed for the final boss unless you repair it, a process that takes two Pop-Tart Sandwiches. And good luck trying to beat the Heathen Heath Hens without it.

4oz Bottles of Water
A cheap, plentiful distance weapon that can be used to keep enemies at bay indefinitely if you have enough. It deals very little damage, but still more than your Shazams. They’re also faster than the Coke cans, so save at least ten at all times for use against the Thousand Pteradons of the Isles, which appear in the Paul Newman level, as well as the smaller Paprika Pterodactyls that hound you throughout the game.

Coke Cans
Larger, heavier, and more damaging than the bottles of water. They also explode on impact. Rain down death from high counters on small, armored enemies with these things.

The Pistol
Longtime readers of the Picasso strips know that he keeps a 9mm Beretta strapped to the back of his left eye. Well, it’s in the game too, although ammunition is strictly limited. In fact, I wouldn’t use it at ALL, unless you go to the secret Komodo Kitchen of Klansmen level. The toughest enemy in the entire game resides at the bottom of its pantries of doom; the Sabre-Toothed Salami. This weapon never breaks, but it’s useless if it’s out of ammunition. Also, if you don’t save Unnamed Blob from the Zombie Bill Cosby in the third level, you can’t use it at all, since he’ll be mistaken for a Jell-O dessert while still holding the only clip in the entire game.