I’m tired and things look all fuzzy.

Right as we were graduating from high school, Travis and I got into plastic baseball.

It’s a simple game, really. You get one of those giant orange plastic bats, and one of those hollow plastic balls that weigh two ounces. We practiced a bit on my yard, and it was wonderful fun. The great game came, though, during the week we had off right before high school graduation.

Can you imagine it, a bunch of seniors out on a baseball field in Boling Park (a public park with lots of recreational facilities here), playing with toys designed for a three year old? But it was true! It was wonderful!

I don’t remember who, if anyone, won. But the six of us (Travis, Graeme, Buddy, Scott, Will and JR…Kenny was in PA at the time) played for hours. There was a giant puddle on the second base line. The ball couldn’t be thrown into the wind. A hit to anywhere in the outfield was a SMASH, and probably a home run to boot.

Reminiscing about that game recently, and upon thinking about a relative of another sport we’ve supported , I came to a great idea. Actually, Survivor had a lot to do with it too. And sleep deprivation. ANYWAY…

This summer, we will host the great Jux Entente Tee-Ball Tournament . Utilizing the next step up from the plastic bats, a padded indoor/outdoor tee-ball bat, ball, and tee, we will again stage a massive contest on the baseball fields at bowling park. Only a few things will be different this time:

The ball is going to go further.
The players are going to be stronger.
The blood is going to be hotter.

You see, I plan to have this a contest between The Jux Entente members…and their loved ones, significant others, and/or past love interests. Honestly, if I thought I could get nothing but ex-girlfriends and boyfriends to show up, I’d do that, but to be realistic we’re going to be using the current ones. The theoretical teams when this takes place this summer, at least in my head, are listed in the table below. If they have an asterisk by their name, it’s because I don’t know if I can get that person to play or not. Each team will have five people, so we’ll see what we can do.

Team Jux Entente Graeme Hefner Travis Rosenbaum Kenny Knapke Samantha Boylan Laurie Stone*

Team Those Damned Bastards Vivian Rath Sara Gancarz* Kenny’s Girlfriend* Marty Simpson* Rebecca Traylor*

Obviously, we may have to resort to alternates for many of these teams. The important thing is to make sure we’re at least somewhat on speaking terms with all of the people; otherwise we can’t even convince them to be in the game. Here are some bios for the people involved that AREN’T members of the Jux Entente:

Vivian Rath
Graeme’s girlfriend. Loves him, but does get annoyed by his arrogance often. It’s doubtful she would pass up any attempt to show him up, even though doing so at sports would be slightly less sweet than, say, linear mathematics. Not the best runner, but plenty strong.

Sara Gancarz
Travis’s longtime girlfriend. Sporting caliber: unknown by the author. Much like everyone involved, the main desire is going to be to humble her own significant other and shut Graeme the hell up for once. (The author is trying not to underestimate his ability to annoying the hell out of people.) Should be a good hitter. Has the power to summon Jesus, but so does Travis, so they cancel each other out.

Kenny’s Girlfriend
It’s very possible she will exist by the time this game is played. If she’s not there, she will have the amazing abilities of the infamous “ghost runners” of yesteryear. Without a doubt, the hottest person on the field. Damn fine athelete. Also bakes a mean pie.

Marty Simpson
The only male on team Damned Bastards, he hates Graeme, and he’s twice as tall as any of the other guys playing. It’s unclear whether or not he would want to embarrass his girlfriend by winning, but he’s definitely going to dominate the performance of his own team. Should run fast and hit hard. Might be hindered by a strike zone the size of Texas if we drop the Tee and start pitching.

Rebecca Traylor
Used to play softball all the time, and has the distinctly unique situation on Damned Bastards of having dated more than one member of the Jux Entente. Should be a well rounded athlete.

My only regret is that it’s impossible to get Jayde Avakian for this.

So, who will win? Will the Jux Entente be showed up by their own most trusted current and/or former allies? Only time will tell.

The contest will not be limited to a tee-ball match, though. That wouldn’t be fair. To completely test our respective mights, I offer the following twist: After the first match, there will be a kick ball tournament. I have an extra spicy twist planned for that, but it will have to wait until Summer comes.