Comparisons to Ma Bell unavoidable.

News services around the world were shocked today when they received a press release from God and the Choirs of Angels. The Heavens were being deregulated.

Long feared as one of the world’s worst government monopolies, the news today was greeted with cheers from a few billion people and jeers from the other half of the world. Much like old Ma Bell, some people found comfort in the fact that they didn’t have to worry about choosing their Heavenly Service.

The exact reasons for God’s choice in this matter are not known, but it has been widely speculated that Heaven has been operating at a loss since the world went off the gold standard a century ago. Since God’s domain was, and is, a private business, no one is quite sure about their finances. However, it’s obvious that something’s badly rotten in the state of the Kingdom for this to happen. Heaven has long been God’s principle service, and only real money maker.

A variety of companies jumped forward immediately to stake claims to sections of Heaven for private resell immediately following the news. Saudi Arabia’s royal family, Viacom, News Corp and the Yellow Pants Consortium now all have bids placed for zones of control in Heaven.

This bidding has caused more complaints, even among those who despised the old regime as an illegal monopoly. Since most of the bidders are major corporations, they feel giving it over to them would be just as bad. The YPC is drawing significant protests. Not only did they buy genetics giant Rebirth Enterprises last June (they’ve managed to turn the company’s fortunes around with the popular Pocket Jux action figure series), they also purchased the entirety of Hell last year when Lucifer decided to try his luck at being a corporate lawyer. Owning both Heaven and Hell, the opposition claims, would give them too great a control over the population. Kofi Annan, president of the U.N., has spoken out against it himself.

So what good can possibly come of this? The price of entry into Heaven is expected to drop for the average consumer. Entrance rates should rise dramatically in the first year of the new administration. Not only that, but Heaven is expected to become a much more interesting place in and of itself. However, resistance to change may be so high that these benefits go unnoticed.

We’ll have more on this breaking story as it develops.