Everything you wanted to know, and more!

The MacGyver mullet is perhaps the greatest weapon in any spy’s arsenal. Much more important than any level of equipment or scientific skill, things also possessed in great abundance by the legendary spy, the MacGyver mullet, or “SuperMullet”, is responsible for more counter-terrorist success than chatter observation and CBS combined. Perhaps the most astounding fact about it is that it gets no credit for being the ingenious device that it is. Let’s examine the properties behind this astonishing spy technique.

Excellent Disguise
No one ever suspects that the red-neck hick with the mullet and four teeth is actually a British secret agent from MI5. Even more unlikely, that the fat man passed out behind the outhouse is a top level spy from the CIA…or maybe even the NSA. Few things immediately dispel suspicion better than a well cultivated spy mullet. When used in conjunction with spy southern or spy flaming accents, the mullet is almost impossible for a foreign government or terrorist cell to defend against.

Versatility
Spies are often deployed to areas of extreme temperatures, in addition to cities. The mullet is the world’s most adaptable hair cut when it comes to this sort of work. The length of the hair is sufficient to allow the secret agent to survive in temperatures below freezing, while the lack of long hairs in the front ensures that there will be no interference with the agent’s abilities to kill bad people and/or turn telescopes into explosive cannons. When you’re working on a new super spy device, you would be greatly hindered if your hair kept falling into your face. The MacGyver mullet is also a light enough cut overall to not have to worry about the heat stroke that can be caused by longer hair.

There you go. Next time you’re watching an episode of your favorite mid-80’s spy drama, make sure you observe the super powers granted my MacGyver’s mullet. And don’t dismiss that drunk guy at Wal-Mart…he could be saving your life from deadly Arabs!