No one is sure why he was wearing a Winger shirt.

Citizens of Yuhipur were amazed today, after they watched a man plummet from the top of a large hotel to the ground. This sort of thing happens every day, but fortunately, this man lived . More than a little bit afraid to touch him lest they should injure him, the onlookers gaped in amazement as the man called for help.

CBS news reporters were the first on the scene. While he wouldn’t give his name, he did answer quite a few other questions from the reporters. CBS recorded the following brief interview:

Reporter: Sir, are you alright?
Man: AAAaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Reporter: Excuse me sir, I didn’t get that.
Man: OH MY GOD IT FUCKING HURTS SO BAD AIEEEE
Reporter: Oh, I see. Sir, could you please explain to us why you jumped from the roof?
Man: I NEED AN AMBULANCE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!
Reporter: Sir, if you want to be on the news, you’re going to have to be more coherent than that.
Man: I was pushed! Someone fucking pushed me you stupid bitch! CALL THE HOSPITAL! I’M DYING YOU IDIOT! AAAAAAAAAAH GOD AHHHHHH!
Reporter: I’m sorry, but this interview is over. We’ll never get this past the FCC.

It is currently unknown if medical attention was ever given to the man. After seeing his brisk and overall rude attitude towards the reporter who was only doing her job, the majority of the people standing around lost interest. Our own reporter, Paula Patuckinson, is currently at a bingo parlor down the street, and tells us that she can hear something in the distance, but she’s not quite sure what. We’ll have an update as soon as the night’s gaming is over and we can tell you who won tonight’s honey baked ham!

Until then, I’m Yousef Railey. Stay tuned for When Bears Attack Elephants.