Super Pyscho Baptist insisted that he be removed from the list.

You’d think in a world that gives props to even Aquaman , and movies are made about a guy in a black shirt with a gun (there are exactly 14,000 Punishers in Atlanta alone), there wouldn’t be any overlooked superheroes. Alas, there are. Some of them are screwed over by bad names, some by worthless powers. But that never stopped Batman, so why should it stop these fellows? The sad truth is that they’ve been blacklisted. Here are the names of a few brave soldiers in the war against raving lunatics with super weapons that you may not have heard of.

Ant Lion
Powers: Can control any type of ant imaginable. Army ants, leaf cutters, red fire ants; you name it, he can talk to it and sic it on you.
The Downside: His power is directly related to where he is in the world. For instance, during his brief vacation to Brazil in 1998, he was one of the burliest motherfuckers around, commanding gigantic hordes of army ants to ensure that he wasn’t trapped for hours in Airport security lines, that he wasn’t ripped off at the Icee stand, and that the motel owner gave him his deposit back. However, back in his native Manhattan, he is usually limited to agitating people in Central Park. That’s not even mentioning the ready availability of his arch nemesis, Black Flag.

Crestor The Vaguely Superb
Powers: Can spit any variety of Crest brand tooth paste currently on store shelves from his mouth in a stream that is accurate up to 100 yards. Immaculate teeth.
The Downside: Crestor was quite active in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s, managing to stop many burglaries with his sticky goo. The problems came in the late 1990’s, when the Crest product explosion drove him insane. Currently, he has 22 possibilities for each attack. There is a famous picture, which appeared on the cover of the San Francisco Chronicle, of Crestor frozen in the middle of HWY 1 in California, trying to decide which would be more effective against a runaway tractor-trailer; Crest Whitening Expressions Liquid Gel, Extreme Mint flavored, or Crest Vivid White. Crestor then snapped, driving all the way to Las Vegas, where he covered the Strip in Crest Rejuvenating Effects. He now lives in a minty insane asylum.

Cave Canem
Powers: Can control the minds of all canines.
The Downside: In a Dateline exclusive, it was revealed that he just carries around a whole lot of doggie treats. Several parent groups sued, saying he was a bad role model for children, since he was a dirty, dirty liar. He then counter-sued, saying they had ruined his career, and that he had just as much right to be a superhero as Batman, the Punisher, or Cypher. The case has yet to be decided, and until then, Cave Canem isn’t legally allowed to continue his superhero practice.

There are many more superheroes out there, desperate for your love in attention. Don’t let them turn into sad stories like those outlined above. Support your local superheroes. They may just reward you for it!